Matthew RojoWalnut Creek Therapist

Couples therapy

Couples therapy in Walnut Creek

Structured, skills-based couples therapy where you build new patterns, track real progress, and know whether it's working — instead of talking in circles.

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Now booking new clients — see regular weekly openings

Therapy that goes somewhere

If you've never done this before, you might picture the two of you rehashing every fight while someone referees. That's not how this works. We start with a thorough assessment of the relationship and each of you, set clear goals together, then work three ways at once.

We track it

Each week you complete a short check-in that maps to a standard measure of relationship satisfaction. We review the score together, reinforcing what's working and finding where you're stuck. If it isn't moving by around the tenth session, we change the plan or I refer you on. When you're both feeling good about your relationship, we know that we're done.

You build skills

You learn four conflict and communication skills, in order, each building on the last — starting with a reliable way to call a time-out. We practice them in session, so the room never becomes the fight you came in to fix.

We work your list

You each list what brought you in — parenting, intimacy, money, whatever it is — and we work through every item with those skills until you both agree it's handled.

Why we track it

The real work happens between sessions, in what you actually do at home — and it's easy to forget most of it the moment you walk out the door. Tracking keeps that honest, and keeps me on you about it.

It also gives you perspective. On the weeks you come in sure that nothing is working, the trend can show you that you were worse a month ago and you've genuinely made progress — which is often exactly what you need to see. And if the line isn't moving, that's our cue to change the plan.

A lot of people, men especially, walk in braced to be told they're the problem. That's not how I work. You both learn the same skills, in the same order, and no one gets ganged up on.

Straight and same-sex couples are a regular part of my practice, and couples sessions are held in person in downtown Walnut Creek.

When there's been a betrayal

Affair and addiction recovery

When there's been an affair or an addiction, the relationship needs more than communication skills. There's a separate, structured path for rebuilding: making the betrayal stop, getting the whole truth out so there are no more surprises, and healing the trauma a betrayal leaves behind. It has a clear sequence, and I guide people through it every day. Ask about it when we talk.

Going deeper

Healing old wounds, together

Sometimes what strains a relationship isn't really about the dishes or the calendar — it's old pain each of you carried in long before you met. For couples who want to go further, we can work on that history directly, with your partner there as support rather than a bystander. Using EMDR and a structured couples approach to trauma, we treat the past wounds that keep resurfacing in the present, so they stop running the relationship.

Common questions

Frequently asked

Can couples therapy help us recover from an affair?
Yes — it's some of the most common work I do, and couples do come through it. We don't rush past what happened or pretend it didn't; we work through the betrayal, rebuild trust in a structured way, and figure out together whether and how the relationship moves forward. It's hard work, and it's far from hopeless.
We feel more like roommates than partners. Can therapy help?
Often, yes. The slow drift into roommates — polite, functional, no real connection — is one of the most common things I see, and it's usually reversible. We get specific about how the closeness faded and rebuild it deliberately, instead of waiting for it to come back on its own.
We've stopped being physically intimate. Does couples therapy address that?
Yes, as part of the bigger picture. In my experience, intimacy usually improves on its own as a couple gets closer and the tension eases, so that's where we start. Where it doesn't, it's often a libido difference or a painful cycle around who initiates and who feels rejected, and those respond well to specific, practical work. And where something deeper sits underneath — including past sexual trauma — my trauma training means we can work with it carefully and directly, instead of treating it as just a bedroom issue. That's often the piece that gets overlooked.
What if I'm not sure I want to stay in the relationship?
Then this particular work probably isn't the right first step — and that's important to sort out up front, not a failure. My couples approach is built for partners who are trying to stay together, or to come back together, and want to make it work. It isn't designed to help you decide whether to stay; doing that inside couples sessions tends to destabilize things for both of you. If you're genuinely on the fence, individual therapy or discernment counseling is the right place to get clear first, and I'll gladly point you toward it. Once you know you want to try, this is the work that helps you do it.
What is couples therapy with you actually like?
Structured, and probably different from what you're picturing. It's closer to working with a coach than to open-ended talking: you fill out a short check-in before each session, every session has a plan, and you learn and practice specific skills — starting with how to take a real time-out — both in session and at home. I'll actively step in to keep things from escalating, even interrupt, because a session where nobody gets overwhelmed is the one that helps. We track progress against a standard measure, and when you're both feeling good about the relationship and it holds, you're done — you won't be in open-ended therapy. It asks something of you, and it's why it works.
What if my partner doesn't want to come?
That's common, and something I work with directly. A lot of people — men especially — arrive braced to be told they're the problem; you both learn the same skills in the same order, and no one gets ganged up on. Many reluctant partners stay once they see it's structured and fair. If you'd rather start on your own that's fine too, though it's usually easier to bring a partner in after a session or two than much later — so starting together is ideal when you can.
What does couples therapy cost, and do you take insurance?
Couples sessions are $305 per 50-minute hour, in person in downtown Walnut Creek. The practice is private-pay and out-of-network — I don't bill insurance, but I provide a monthly superbill you can submit for out-of-network reimbursement, and you can pay with an HSA or FSA card.
How do I know I can trust you?
You don't have to force it. If part of you doesn't trust me, that's worth paying attention to rather than pushing past — closing the gap between us is my job, not yours, and it's genuinely okay if we turn out not to be the right fit. There's more on my About page, including why some wariness toward a therapist can be perfectly reasonable.

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Start with a free 30-minute consultation

Office
1535 North Main Street, Suite 250
Walnut Creek, CA 94596
Sessions
Couples therapy is only in person. Individual therapy is in person or by video.
Book a free consultation